The Longest Grudge?

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything that I had caused a few years back in regards to my musical career. I would only hope that I can get back into playing music more regularly, it truly is my only true passion in the world. And even if I don’t make a dime, I want to write again. I’m seriously hungry for playing, but I don’t know where to start, or what to do to get motivated. I really don’t expect my brother, who was my partner in our band, to understand why I decided to seek a solution for my internal strife, instead of forsaking myself for his own sanity, but I do wish, and I did expect him to continue cooperating with me in some way…even if it was only to keep the proverbial ball rolling in our project. I was once told by a supporter of our band that both my brother and I were entirely different people on the stage than we were off stage, and he really seemed to indicate to me that that was a good thing. Whether it made us more interesting people or not, is up in the air, but I did and still think it was the greatest compliment any has ever given me. I can see how it might be difficult for my brother, and my family in general to accept that we put on different masks for different people, but for us to take those masks off in the presence of those we love, should that not be something we should be allowed to do without discrimination in their presence? Ironically, I’ve had to show the world, that is, complete strangers who I really am. They accept it, even though they do not know me. Why can’t the people I’m close to, or used to be close to do the same? In any case, I’ve been holding a grudge for a very long time against my brother and my ex-love interest/boyfriend especially, in the destruction, or quite possibly self-destruction of my musical career, and even if they don’t read this, which I’m sure they won’t. I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry this hurt all of you, but it’s something I had to do. If you guys are willing, and want to forgive me for my past actions in severing our relationship with each other I really want to work with you guys again. It’s been a rough four years without music in my life, and it certainly feels like my life is not only empty, but it’s not going anywhere without it in my life.